I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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