ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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