what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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