He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
