The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
