i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
