You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
sex in a hospital.. check
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
