i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
