So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
