She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
