i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
