Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
