i may or may not be watching the land before time
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nobody cheats on THIS.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
