He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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