I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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