Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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