We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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