those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
