I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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