Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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