please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
