The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
