You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
