Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
