Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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