i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the day after is always just damage control
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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