i permit you to call me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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