I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
