I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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