So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
