people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
