my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
