some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
