So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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