Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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