her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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