He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
