I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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