I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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