take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
