do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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