ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
