Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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