my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
