i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
