I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
