Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
