You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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