i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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