Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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